Oh...the times, they are a changing....

Imagine if you will,  someone with a lovely voice, singing the title to this blog post...close your eyes and listen.  With perfect pitch, inflection and balance...

Does it make you have the FEELS???   Is the tension in your chest and behind your eyes almost to much to bare? Building...building, like the crescendo of a song...  Do you feel an excitement pushing toward giddiness? The kind that makes you laugh till you cry uncontrollably...wondering what got you started on this blast of emotional quackery?
Hells yeah....Me too!!!
At this time in my life I feel a bit of both, I am just over 2 months away from my 40th birthday.  The life beyond that is a shiny new journal, blank pages....ready to fill....Literally so much can be written in that empty space, the potential is infinite, and I am sure that is what is causing the tension and the giddiness.

Honestly, I feel like I am about to jump off the biggest cliff of my life.  Its terrifying, that feeling of being able to let go totally....my toes are curled over the edge just slightly, gripping on for dear life, breathing deep down into my stomach, I bend my knees, reach up to the heavens and jump, out into open air, into another aspect of my journey.

Change is a powerful entity in life.  I know that my personality and lifestyle is going to change dramatically in the next year or so, its all developmental. I am embracing my cocoon this winter, with anticipation of the spring.  I do not however  intend to overlook or undermine the process.
(I) Honestly never felt like I was ready before now, or deserving somehow. 
I have for much to long pushed down under my thumb the desire to be who I am. 
This all sounds very melodramatic, I mean I'm not about to come out or anything.....at least not as what you would expect.............

OK here goes.....I'm a FARMER and I am damned proud of it.  You know the Beth that is the happiest?  Farmer Beth, when I have to paint my fingernails to hid the dirt, that's when I am happiest,
As I look back, in my life, at this blog I see a recurring theme, pertaining to, interestingly enough my time in nature and love for a little thing called farming.  So why then have I pushed it to the back burner of my life, why has this love and passion not been in the forefront of all my scheming to move forward?

Fear...., a nagging feeling of unacceptance,  an all negative, soul sucking, bring you down to the the depths of hell, the fear of failing and the fear of hearing I told you so....Does this seem trivial and totally inconsequential in the grand scheme of things....maybe to you, but the struggle is real inside my head most days.  Its a dream killer Fear, I have called it out to duel and I intend to hit my mark dead center, striking it down.

Thanks for listening...

Thefriendlyfemalefarmer!

Much to long!!

Its been much much to long since my last confession...ahem...I mean of course, blog post!
Can I just say that life has been a bit crazy, unpredictable and just a plain ole shit show at times.  Hey I'm not making excuses, because I typically can't be bothered by others who do.  So I'm gonna pull the lazy card.  After working 10-12 hours in a restaurant, all I want to do is come home drink Jameson and throw my feet on the ottoman. 

But all those days of drinking the golden goodness, and sitting with me feet on the stool, I've been thinking about this damned blog.

I honestly feel like I have abandoned a live animal of sorts, a pet even, and I cannot tell you the guilt I have felt at the thought of all the blog followers I could have potentially captured and all the millions of dollars I could have earned with AD Words....ha ha ha, ok so the second part of that sentence seems a tad redick if ya know what I mean, but a girl can dream can't she.  In all honesty though, I have felt a bit lost without my little friend and the small musings that I did, on a semi regular basis. 

I'm not going to make any silly challenges that I can't live up to.  I am simply going to write. My lack of grammar and punctuation be damned.  I am going to look into a writing class though...to spruce up my skills if you will. I do have a secret little dream of one day writing a story...one that has been in my head since I was a kid. Well I guess its not a secret now is it.  :)
So instead of feeling guilty, and walking by the computer every night in search of some mind numbing TV show, I am going to write, here on this blog and in my big black book.  There is something very soothing about writing in a big book, seeing your hands put down what your mind is reeling to tell...

Oh and there is so much to tell, and talk about and question.  I have tried in the past to stick with very neutral...easy to digest....Beth related topics.  I will likely stay close to that this time around as well, with a bit of spice thrown in here and there.  That's just the chef in me I guess.
Consider this...my husband and I have been running a small diner in Bethel, ME for the last year and 2 months.  I have experienced so so so much in that time, and have learned even more.  One thing I have learned is when and where my opinion is given is totally up to me.  I am in control of my own mouth, but I also have a right to my opinion and sometimes....sometimes I might say it out loud, instead of just think it to myself...you get my drift? My intention is always positive, and I won't be looking to stir the pot! But sometimes you just gotta say what you gotta say...consequences be damned.

So welcome back if you've been here before....and a big HOWDY to those that haven't...

I remain always...the friendly female farmer!!!